It’s wedding season! You know what that means: desperate groomsmen that need consoling. Enter – Christine.
Rule #10: Invitations are for pussies. So I guess technically there was an invitation. Not for me though. Just swiped this bad boy from the name table and told every one I’m an actress reprising the role of Viola in “She’s the Man” (the movie where Amanda Bynes – before she went off her rocker – disguises herself as a man to play soccer). Dudes love actresses, right?
Ok ok, I was actually Alice’s +1 since the boyf couldn’t make it, but I was happy to step in – free party, dinner, singles, and open bar? DON’T MIND IF I DO. Besides, you can’t break Rule #1: Never leave a fellow crasher behind. Thanks for never leaving my side, Alice. 😉
Rule #104: Be well-groomed and well-mannered. Duh, when is borderline fab NOT? We always look the part:
But we can’t forget the real reason we’re here – celebrating love. Which brings me to Rule #11: Sensitive is good. And even though I only met the bride and groom one other time, their ceremony still moved me to tears. I mean honestly, if you walk down the aisle to the theme song of Disney’s Paperman, you are guaranteed waterworks. So usually I have no problem with Rule #5: Get choked up during the service. The men/women will think you are sensitive. I almost never need a slice of onion or artificial tears.
Rule #28: Make sure there’s an open bar. This one is usually pretty easy to spot. But this isn’t for your benefit, it’s for the singles you want to hit on so you can get them properly liquored up so you appear more and more attractive to them. This rule also goes hand in hand with Rule #37: At the reception, one hard drink or two beers max. A drunk crasher is a sloppy crasher. Looks like I got my drink quota covered (double fisting aw yeaaah):
alice wears: scalloped hem floral dress | corpus via urban outfitters; necklace | h&m; red clutch | kate spade ny, similar steal here; heels | zara
christine wears: chevron silk twist back dress | madewell in a different print on sale here; necklace | h&m, available here; cream leather clutch | express, similar here; heels | boutique 9
Ok, I know there are a lot of wedding crasher rules to follow and I only listed a few. If you need a refresher before your next wedding attendance, here’s a recap. Now if you ever need a fellow wedding crasher, I’m your gal. But don’t forget Rule #59: If two rival crashers pick the same person, the crasher with the least seniority will respectfully yield. Happy Crashing!